Worthless

Dear -------,

    I'd never say this out loud to you, but I'm okay here. Often, when I'm next to you, I feel worthless. Stupid. Ugly. Useless. Because I compared myself to you. I always did. I would compare everything you and I did. I thought I was doing well, only to find that somehow you did it better, when I was the one who was better at it.
    How among our friends, we all knew I was better at this particular subject. Yet everyone asks you questions about instead of me in class. And we sit next to each other. No one ever asks me questions about the subject. That made me feel stupid. Useless.

    How when you were upset, ------- and I would run around looking for you, making sure you were okay when you were upset over some other silly thing. When I was upset, no one came running around looking for me. No one. It hurt. A lot. Knowing that people cared for you, but no one cared for me. That made me feel worthless.
    How I'd catch ----- glaring at me during classes. I never see her glaring at you. What did I do wrong? I just don't understand. I try my hardest to fit in. To be like them. Because if I were myself, they'd hate me even more.
    And how I know that they like you better than me. How they'd choose you over me. I don't understand. I try hard to fit in while you stick out. Yet they like you for being you. But sometimes when I take off my mask and be myself, they call me weird. They rarely call you weird. Yet in my mind you seem weirder than me, no offense. But it hurts knowing that you'd choose them over me and our friends. You really want to be with them over us? With the popular group over us, your loyal friends? It hurts, like daggers piercing through me. I don't understand.
    I just don't understand. Tell me, what have I done wrong? Why am I different? How come I'm weird and you're not? Why? How? And tell me, are they worth more to you than me? Than your friends? I don't understand. But I doubt you have the answers anyway. Why should I even care anymore?

    Why?


From,
Me